In a funk :(

Hi. Sorry I haven`t updated for a while-ok two weeks isn`t a while, but it would be nice update once a week. I have been in a funk lately. I don`t know what it is, but I think it is a combination of things.1. The weather. Ok, so I know that Japan hasn`t been nearly as cold as SD is in the winter. I usually get a bit of mild depression during the winter. It must be the lack of sun, but here it is something else. Buildings in Japan are built for summer, not winter (with the expection of Hokkaido). There is no central heating or insulation in the buildings here. Many times it is warmer outside than it is inside! I basically spent the last three months shivering. I didn`t realize how bad it was until I was in Hokkaido and I couldn`t sleep very well. I was too hot! My friends were complaining about the same thing. We were so used to freezing at night, when we finally had the chance to sleep in a warm bed and not wear three or more layers, we couldn`t sleep. It is hard keeping yourself entertained in your house when it is so cold inside (it didn`t help that my walls are all cement). It was even harder keeping it clean when you are shaking. Most nights I would just lay in my bed and read. After a few months of that it gets old. I am not sure how people in the old days did it.2. My Japanese. I should say my lack of learning Japanese. I am going to my class every week, but it isn`t sticking. There is something in my brain that is blocking me from learning the language. I haven`t been studying as much as I like (it is hard to study when you are laying in your bed shaking), but after two months, one would think it would start to stick. It isn`t and my confidence with it is going way down. I am not giving up the classes, but I do feel it`s a waste of my and my teachers time. :(3. My situation. It is no secret that I wish I was in a more exciting area than I am. Don`t get me wrong; I realize that I am so close to Tokyo and I do appreciate having the opportunity to come here, but I am not liking Ibaraki like I did Yokosuka. I don`t feel the magic I felt before (maybe it is just my mentality though, I don`t know). There is nothing to do here (no mountains, no beach=no fun) and I find myself doing things I could just as easily do at home, like going shopping. My town is really boring and it is hard to find anything fun to do here. On top of that, I am not finding my job really rewarding. Most ALT`s are at different types of schools. I am at all low-level schools, so I don`t and will never have the type of relationships that my counterparts at high or even medium level schools have. My students just don`t know how to talk to me and I don`t know how to talk to them, so there is a distance. My supervisor told me I have the worse school groupings in all of the prefecture :( I make the best of it, but it has been getting harder for me to listen to others talk about the amazing things they are doing with their students. Please don`t think I am not grateful for everything. I am well aware of what is going on at home. I am hearing stories of people getting laid of in the U.S., I am so happy to have a job and a well paying one at that. I am just not feeling good about my situation and I feel bad because I know I should.4. My social life. I should actually call it my personal life because I actually do lead quite a nice social life here in Japan. I have met some really great people and I enjoy spending time with them. I just don`t feel close to anyone :( It is totally my fault too, in recent months I had falling outs with some people who I thought were my close friends. Losing them has made my self esteem really low, I mean if people who know you so well don`t like (love?) or care about you you, why should anyone? I just don`t feel worthy of anyone. Plus, I feel like I am not interested an anything, so I don`t come of as an interesting fun person. It is hard to be a fun loving person when you don`t feel like you are (again, it doesn`t help that all I have done for the past three months is shiver in my bed and read). I guess what I am trying to say is, I know it is my fault I am not close to anyone here, but I have been damaged in recent months and it makes me scared to try to be close to people. A part of me never wants to be close to anyone ever again :( The risk of getting hurt is too high. I know I am not the first person to get burned, and I certianly won`t be the last. Maybe I just need more time to heal, then I will be ready to get close to people here. It just would be nice to have someone close to talk to, that`s all.5. My faith. My relationship with God isn`t what it was, say, two years ago. I know if it was good all of the things above would be so much better. I just feel like I try so hard to give it all to Him, but I am not feeling Him around me at all. If I was at home I would maybe go to church more, or go talk to someone about it. I can`t do that here. Plus, I am not sure if I want to. Why can`t He just wave his magic wand and make everything better? Ok, I know that it doesn`t work that way, but right now I wish it did.So for all those reasons, I am in a funk :( I am going to India in a week, maybe that will help. It is comforting to know that many other JET`s have told me they feel the same things, so it is somewhat normal. They say that the first year is really up and down and you go through different phases. I hope that is true, though right now I feel like I missed my up, I don`t know I can`t remember now. Spring is coming too, so the cold thing is over, though the hot/humid is not far behind, is that much better? At least I will be outside more.Well, sorry to complain so much. These are just things that are on my mind. I hope to get over them soon.

Birthday List update

It`s been six months since my birthday and I thought I would do an update on how I was doing with my 27 goals for my 27th year. Here is the list. The updates are beside them.

1. Learn to speak and read Japanese. Ok, this isn`t going so well, but I am going to class now.
2. Make new friends. Success! I have many friends here.
3. Keep the friendships I have that are good. I have had falling outs with people who I was close to (not people from here), so no this isn`t going so well :(
4. Heal from the past year. Work in progress.
5. Visit my PC friends in Ghana. I can`t go to Ghana when I wanted to, the ticket is so expensive. I still want to see my friends, but I am not sure if I can make it to Ghana before they leave. We`ll see.
6. Forgive people who hurt me. Still working on that.
7. Learn to play an instrument. No progress on that at all.
8. Paint and do other artistic things more often. No progress on that either :(
9. Visit a new country (or two or three!). Going to India next week.
10. Climb Mount Fuji. The climbing season is July and August, so I will have to wait for that.
11. Plan for life after Japan. I am staying a year longer now, so I have plenty of time to work on that (though I do have a few thoughts in my head at this time).
12. Eat healthier. I feel like I do compared to when I was home, but I am not seeing it in my waistline. I have started writing down everything I eat, I hope that helps.
13. Exercise three or four times a week. Not very good at this :( I am still working on it.
14. Grow out my hair. AAAGGGHHH It was nice and long, but I needed a trim and the lady too waaay to much off, and she gave me the Rachel (if you can`t remember, the Rachel was popular when Friends first came on TV, yeah 15 years go!). It is still long, but I am waiting for it to grow longer and not look so Rachel-like.
15. Save money. I have done that, but not as much as I like.
16. Study the bible. I haven`t done enough of that.
17. Get a pet (if I can). This is the goal I accomplished first. By the end of September I found Chloe (actually she found me). I am now officially her mama.
18. Look into graduate school. I have, but I have changed my thoughts on things since I made this goal.
19. Study for the GRE. I have a book to study, but now I am looking into going to school without taking it.
20. Learn to take good photographs. I have a new camera, but I still don`t know how to use it well. So, I would say not really.
21. Study for the Japanese drivers license. I have been and I am taking the test Monday! I hope I pass.
22. Go to the beach as much as I can. I have only been to the beach once :(
23. Find a place to volunteer in Japan. Not happening, I have looked into places, but it is hard if you don`t speak Japanese.
24. Floss daily. I have gotten better, but I don`t do it daily.
25. Keep my apartment clean. For the most part, I feel my apartment is clean. It is certianly cleaner than when I wrote this. In September my apartment was still really dusty from two years of no one living there. Now it is much cleaner and more home-like.
26. Read more books. This is the one goal I must say I have accomplished. Maybe I have read too much?
27. Have fun! Work in progress. Of course I have fun, but not as much as I want.

After seeing these goals again, and seeing the progress, or I should said the lack of progress I have made on them, I think I am going to look at these again in three months (instead of another six-at my birthday) and see how I am doing. I think if I am looking at these goals more often, I am more likely to be trying to achieve them. It was good for me to see this though.

Tea Party in Roppongi

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This weekend I went to Tokyo for a business going away party for Elaine Young. I first met Elaine through my friend Brita. She is really good. She designs these cool messenger bags and jewelry. It is hard for me to explain the concept. But she uses microscopic images of things in nature and blows them up to put on the bags. Her necklaces contain DNA of endangered species. I think the point is to become more aware of conserving the environment-a portion of the proceeds go to various conservation groups.

The party was great. It was in Roppongi, the area of Tokyo that has many embassies. The apartment was fabulous. It was on the ground level, so it had quite a large garden. It was super modern as well. I met some people and had really nice conversations. The food was great as well. The theme was tea party, so we drank tea and had snacks. I had fresh, out of the oven homemade apple pie and some really nice cheese. Ovens are not common in kitchens in Japan, so it was nice to have some baked goods.

Then it was time to shop. I bought a large messenger bag with the honey bee on it and a necklace with reindeer DNA in it. Tracey bought a labtop case and the smaller messenger bag with a fish eye on it.

Elaine is in the black in the picture above (the others are Tracey and Wing, a nice girl I met at the party). Her company is called LAByrinth. You can visit the website at http://www.lab-yrinth.net. Click online shopping to look at her line. If you want to know more about the concept of the design, click on the English link.

Elaine sent out a nice thank you after the party. She is leaving at the end of the month. She is going on the road to promote her line. She hopes to settle by the end of the year in Beijing. I wish her the best. I hope her line because successful.

Graduation

All of my high schools recently had their graduations. The school year in Japan is April through March. I went to Iwai High School's ceremony, as it is my base school. I really didn't take too many pictures during the TWO HOUR ceremony (sorry), but here are some highlights.

1. All the students from the other classes have to come to the ceremony.
2. The brass band played Amazing Grace as the third year students walked in. I don't have the heart tell them that we play that song at funerals.
3. The female third year teachers were special graduation kimono's. They looked nice.
4. My upstairs neighbor is a third year (graduation class) teacher. She was holding back tears as she led her former students out of the gym. She is young, so this is probably her first class to graduate. Homeroom teachers are with their classes the whole time they are in high school.
5. Watching the parents of the graduation class nod off during all the speeches. priceless!

Here is a picture of the class (with the parents) and the brass band.

Baby Anna

I haven't seen baby Anna at all lately :( But her dad did sent me a picture a few weeks ago. She is getting big. I can't wait to see her again.

Even the Prime Minister can't do it!

This is why learning Japanese is hard for me! Here

Who says the GOP doesn't LOVE Obama?!?

This article made me laugh. Click here